We have collected the most funny patch notes of PC Games ever. Read them below.
Team Fortress 2
Fixed a bug where players could be teleported to hell and not have visible bumper car
Fixed a bug where Engineers could not pick up a building if the building was higher than the player
Dreamfall Chapters
Shi*bot regains missing flapping fabric animations for his stupid mouth.
Clockwork Empires
FIXED: colonists will no longer have conversations with cultist murderers
Made upsetting things in general slightly more maddening
FIXED: Murderers would run away from other murderers rather than murdering them.
Crusader Kings 2
-All byzantine emperors will now have clothes regardless of what DLCs are enabled.
-Can no longer press the create Hungary button multiple times.
-No longer possible for AI to plot to assassinate self (unless they are a lunatic).
-Celibate characters should no longer be worried about their conjugal lovelife.
-Made Buddhist ambitions easier to fulfill.
-Impregnation of lovers is now handled in the code.
-The Hordes will now be more prone to head in the "right" direction.
-Louis d'Evreux now has the correct mother.
-Tweaked deathdate of Mubashir, Duke of Mallorca, and made him eunuch.
-Fixed an issue with some plots where plotters did not get what they plotted for.
Arcanum (two bugs as they appeared on developer QA list)
- You are able to ask Willow (the virgin prostitute) to tie you up and make it hurt. This doesn't seem appropriate for Willow as Cassie and Alice will take care of this for you. In fact, Willow refers you to Bunny when you ask her to tie you up and make it hurt, which Bunny isn't into either.
- Upon entering Stillwater, two naked men kick a blue rabbit to death.
The Secret World
-Cross-dimensional marketplace
-Removed a renegade semicolon to appease the code gods
-It is now impossible for players to make their characters nude
-Certain heals will no longer generate hate on friendly targets
-You are no longer able to get stuck between the bookcase and a chair in Dracula's Castle.
-Added audio to Dr. Aldini's flesh sawing animation.
-Movement speed while dead will now scale with your current rank of Sprinting.
-Players will no longer have to move in order to stop dancing to the music from the boombox.
-Survivors with bear arms are now less likely to become traitors.
Boiling Point: Road To Hell
-Collision: grenades do not remain stuck in walls when launched, prisoners do not remain stuck in walls when delivered, trees have collision.
-Fixed: dog does not cast shadows.
-Fixed: a metal clanking sound plays, if the user's character stabs the curtains.
-Optimized: Bodies of Drivers accumulate over time.
-Too big moon has been readjusted.
-Police station cannot be destroyed by a crossbow anymore.
Dwarf Fortress
-Babies don't start strapped with a knife.
-Stopped vampires from pinning their crimes on babies and children.
-Stopped zombie cats from adopting dwarves.
-Stopped ghosts from maintaining secret identities.
-Stopped dwarves from trying to clean their own missing or internal body parts.
-Made strangulation take less time.
-Demons masquerading as gods will try a little harder.
-Adjusted value of bees
The Sims 3
-Reduced the urge for neat Sims to put away fire pits.
-Sims can no longer interview non-playable ghosts.
-"Become Enemies with Child" wish no longer appears.
-Toddler's body no longer deforms when "Watching TV" after "Learning to Talk."
-Child Sims no longer deform after watching a concert.
-A faint line is no longer visible on the heads of babies.
-Fish are no longer duplicated in the fridge when moving homes.
-Sims can no longer "Try for Baby" with the Grim Reaper.
-Fixed an issue that could cause a teen to be trapped in a child’s body when travelling to the future at the exact moment of a birthday.
-Fixed an issue that could cause the Time Traveler to catch on fire and not be able to be put out.
-Mermaid Children can now take showers.
-Sims that were turned into SimBots via an elixir will no longer revert back to human form after WooHoo in the Gypsy Caravan.
-Sims no longer cuddle with inappropriate partners in tents.
-There are now stricter relationship requirements for Woohooing with Sims in the Sarcophagus.
DayZ
-Action: Players can now let themselves fall off ladders
-Character: Added Kuru disease for eating raw Human Steak
-Gear: Earthworms are now stackable
-Player: You can now skin humans
-Character: Will now say "My clothes are soaked" instead of "I am soaked" when Soaked
-Animations: Fixed an issue where vomiting was not working properly with 2 handed melee weapons
-Animations: Face-palm doesn't make the player stand up from prone anymore
-Actions: Zucchini can be force fed
Rust
-New Moon - Depending on the moon cycle night is no longer pitch black. We think this is a good thing.
-Resources should maybe hopefully not kill you anymore while harvesting them.
-Wildlife should not jump up and switch to random angles anymore.
-Grass runs twice as fast as it used to.
-Doors will no longer fly away.
-Nudity and Censoring will display as pants, it’s being worked on.
-Grass isn’t as tall anymore; it should perform better
-Colors are now illegal
Skyrim
-Fixed occasional issue where a guest would arrive to the player’s wedding dead.
-Fixed a rare issue where player could become stuck in Night Mother's coffin during "Death Incarnate".
-Fixed instance where player could get stuck in Japhet's Folly.
-Fixed issue with NPCs sleeping with open eyes.
-In To Kill an Empire, Gianna will now talk to player with certain diseases.
-Fixed issue where transforming back to human from werewolf would occasionally fail.
-Fixed rare instance of couriers who would appear only dressed in a hat.
-Bugs introduced: Dragons occasionally flying backwards
Last, very long, but the best one yet !
Goat Simulator
-Added local splitscreen multiplayer
-Added a new map, try it out in the “custom game” section
-The humans have been given a brain with the cognitive abilities of a 4 year old
-Humans consequently learned to speak. You’ll wish they hadn’t.
-Added more goats
-Isn’t this kid super cute?
-Made fun of Michael Bay. Again. Please don’t sue.
-Added more powers
-Fixed the hitbox of flappy goat
-Poured several buckets full of Optimization™ into the game
-Made sure no class differences exists in Goat City Bay
-Added tons of achievements
-You can now run along walls
-You can now run up walls
-Stand by for Goatfall
-Changed batteries in our fire alarm
-The Goats have learned to ride bikes, press R to mount.
-The Goats have learned to ride longboards, press R to mount.
-The Humans have learned how to ride Goats
-Enjoyed flappy goat
-You can now buy hats for money
-This woman made her skin look 20 years younger DOCTORS HATE HER click here
-Fixed display of Int enchantments on crafted gear
-Applying plastic wrap around your screen will now give you a 3D-effect.
-Added VR support
-Reverted hitbox of flappy goat
-Made hitbox worse on flappygoat
-Removed Flappy Goat, I hate that fucking game.
-Got 11 points on Flappy Goat; readded Flappy Goat.
-Spent more time writing jokes about Flappy Goat than working on the patch
-Changed the points required for the Flappy Goat Achievement from 10 to 30
-Just kidding.
-Removed VR support
-Ultra-realistic water simulation
-Fire alarm still beeping
-You can now swim. Well not really swim, more like float around in a semi-controlled buoyant propulsion fashion.
-Added volume slider in options for NPC speech.
-Deadmau5 has finally left EDM. Is now making Goatronica.
-We went to see Godzilla. It was ok. Cool sound effects.
-Updated patch notes.
-Added a lot of new sound effects.
-Mary had a little … GOAT!? Historians uncover new evidence, click here!
-There is a new game inside of the game, it’s called SteamWorld Goat.
-Honored Notch
-Changed batteries in fire alarm. Again.
-Wanted to add shadows to buildable blocks but couldn’t figure out how, can someone please tell us?
-Patch notes now covers more than an A4.
Seriously stop making threads asking about patch notes 4 seconds after the patch goes live, calm down
Game downloading, does anyone have the patch notes?
New patch?
Patch released today does anyone know what it does
Where are the patch notes
-Fire alarm still beeping
Why is the patch so big?
Lazy devs.
If you want we can zip it, then rar it to make it smaller. Do you want it on Megaupload?
Is this game worth it? Should I buy?
Devs please put the game on a sale so I can save 4 bucks
I don’t like ___, please add an option to remove ___
Performed Satanic rituals to summon Phil Fish
Plz come back
-Actually optimized the game a bit
What use are ladders when you can run on the walls?
-I hate water
-Played a whole lot of Wildstar
Volvo pls fix ___.
-Added a Capture the Flag game mode.
-Added Uncle Goat, I’m sorry about my Goat.
-Added a Capture the Flag game mode.
-Added five new colors, all of which are unseeable by the human eye.
-We actually bought a stuffed goat head IRL for our office, we have no idea what to do with it.
-Updated our Meta Score to 91/100.
-Killed PC gaming
How long will the patch notes be?
-Changed batteries in the other fire alarm
-Increased Storm Spirit’s Static Remnant AoE by 15.
-Ride a bike with a human on your back. Not like this dude.
-You can now play ragdoll goat hockey!
We hope you have laughed a lot after reading. So please share this with your friends !
Source: PCGamer
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